The art of listening

Digitalisation has rapidly changed our society and economy. Take digital communication: the internet, smartphones and social media have vastly broadened the opportunities open to us. We are connected 24/7. But do we have an actual connection?

We live under the illusion that we are constantly connected, but nothing could be further from the truth. In my experience, contact with other people is often actually becoming more superficial, while the depth in our relationships is disappearing. This affects not only our business results, but also our personal lives. What would happen if we made a difference in this digital age by consciously seeking true connection?

In my opinion, this would start with listening properly, in our daily lives and at work. History shows that good leaders are usually excellent listeners. But the art of listening isn’t an easy one. You really have to make an effort. It requires attention, focus and empathy.

Listening with the intent to reply

Stephen R. Covey, the American author of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, hit the nail on the head when describing the biggest pitfall: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. Does that sound familiar? I often see it around me and sometimes catch myself doing it too. It’s not surprising, because all kinds of things happen to us while the other person is talking. Our opinions bubble up, along with associations with our personal experiences and the urge to perform. Meanwhile, we are already preparing for the answer we want to give.

Synergy

If we truly want to connect, we must first take a critical look at ourselves. Decide to listen, let go of your own judgements and encourage the other person to talk. After all, anyone seeking connection must first understand the other person before they themselves can be understood. What’s more, this leads to refreshing insights, new perspectives and surprising alternatives. A new world opens up: one in which not digitalisation but rather synergy is the connecting factor.